She loves to ride bikes. She loves makeup. She loves her mom and dad. Layla is a shy but sweet girl from Hobbs who just turned twelve. When she’s older, Layla wants to own her own bakery, but right now she’s enjoying being a kid just spending time with her friends and playing with Legos.
A few months ago, Layla went by a different name, and the world saw her as a boy but she knew something wasn’t quite right about that. Her father tried pushing her into more masculine interests and activities, noticing that the kid he thought of as a son wasn’t particularly interested in boy things. “From a very, very young age,” says her dad, “she’s always been attracted to the more girly stuff. The sparkly. The pink. The makeup.”
Layla most likely understood that she was a girl long before she told her parents. Many trans people become aware of their gender as young as 3-years old, often around the time they come to realize gender even exists. However, they don’t always have the comprehension or vocabulary to fully express their gender identity, and parents and other adults aren’t always understanding, let alone supportive.
Both of Layla’s parents are supportive of her, but Layla’s father, who had grown up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, might not have been had Layla come out to them earlier. “At that time I wouldn’t have been able to be supportive and accept Layla for who she is,” he says, referring to his time as a practicing Mormon. He left the Mormon church in October of 2022 and has been undergoing his own transformation regarding his beliefs and values. Today, having put the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints behind him, he’s in a position to be accepting and supportive of his daughter.
The timing was probably not a coincidence. Picking up Layla’s little sister from kindergarten one day, his younger daughter pointed out another kid and said, “That’s my friend’s brother, but he wants to be a girl now.” Previously this might have been a difficult moment, needing to explain in religious terms why a boy can’t be a girl or vice versa, but without the religious baggage, the conversation was much simpler. “It was the easiest thing to talk to her now,” he says, “because it’s just like ‘Well we hope that she’s happy, we hope that works, and we just hope the best for them and that they’re okay’ rather than trying to explain religiously why it was wrong, why we don’t do that.” Layla’s parents discussed this conversation later and believe Layla had overheard them and realized they would be okay with what she had to tell them about her own gender identity. “We’re pretty sure Layla overheard it and felt like it was safe now to come out and be able to say, ‘I don’t feel like a boy.”
“I told them I didn’t want to be a boy anymore,” says Layla, “and they asked why. I told them because I think girl stuff is cute.” Layla was able to come out as her true self to her parents, and though they understood it wouldn’t be without struggles, both her mom and dad were ready to be supportive of their child.
The school year was still in process when Layla decided to come out about her gender identity publicly. “It was kind of awkward when I walked into the school wearing girl dresses, and I saw all my friends,” says Layla. “They didn’t really like me anymore, so then they went away. But I made new friends.”
One of the boys who had previously been a friend of hers explained his problem with her as “It’s against my religion.”
“I wasn’t surprised about the one,” says Layla’s mother. “I think they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses. Others were indifferent, and a couple friends were really accepting.”
Layla quickly made new friends, though. The next day at school, one girl took Layla under her wing helping her out with ‘girl stuff’ and has been “really supportive”, according to Layla’s parents. The school has also been very accommodating, allowing Layla to use the nurse’s restroom to avoid any issues with other students.
“The older people we interact with are definitely the ones we cringe about the most,” says Layla’s father. “Most of the kids are either super supportive or just like ‘Oh okay’. Like it shouldn’t be an issue.”
The biggest struggle for the family so far has been in finding local professional support for Layla. Though New Mexico recently passed the Reproductive and Gender-Affirming Health Care Act which went into effect on June 18, there are still limited options for LGBTQ+ people in the area. The new law prevents discrimination against trans people, prohibiting local governments from restricting access to healthcare, but the problem locally comes down to a shortage of providers.
“It’s really tough,” says Marshall Martinez, the Executive Director of Equality New Mexico (EQNM). “It’s a shame that anybody lives in a community where they can’t access the healthcare they need no matter who that person is or what type of healthcare they’re talking about. That’s an issue that we’ve tried to be helpful on at the statewide level.” EQNM is an organization that provides public education and policy advocacy for LGBTQ+ issues in New Mexico. “We believe everybody should be able to access the healthcare they need in the community they live in without restrictions.”
Martinez recommends the Transgender Resource Center of New Mexico to find a variety of resources and trans-friendly businesses throughout the state. Though there are many providers and allies throughout New Mexico, rural areas such as Lea County have few nearby options.
Layla’s mother expressed her frustrations about the lack of local medical resources, particularly counseling, for her daughter. “Therapy and resources and stuff like that, it’s just not there,” she says. Layla’s parents have discussed puberty blockers with their daughter, but Layla so far is not interested. Right now her transition is only a social one, but her parents both understand the need for medical professionals to be a part of this journey with Layla. They have tried remote therapy with her, but believe she would do better in person. “We’re going to have to go to Lubbock or somewhere.” Texas recently passed an anti-trans bill set to take effect September 1, barring legal challenges to it. This bill would prevent trans kids from accessing hormone therapy and puberty blockers in the state of Texas.
Texas is one of 18 states to have passed laws targeting trans people. “The attacks we’re seeing on our trans and non-binary families across the country are incredibly malicious,” says EQNM’s Martinez. “I wish I knew why these attacks today. Why now?”
Anti-trans rhetoric has seemingly been on the rise recently, particularly fueled by Republican and conservative politicians and public figures. “Increasingly, Republican politicians and party leaders see the issue of trans rights as a way to rile their base,” states an article from The Guardian.
“This is the last gasp of air from a dying culture of oppression,” hypothesizes Martinez. “We’ve seen it in sexism, in racism. This stuff is long standing in our history. And I think that these attacks on trans people are in large part a group of folks who are holding onto that goal, trying to find the last ‘other’, so to speak, that they can say ‘Look! This is how terrible this is. Give us some power now.” He wonders whether the concerns pushed by political leaders are legitimate, or just a means of political scapegoating. “I often find myself questioning, do these people really hate trans people? Are they really afraid trans people are the undoing of society? Or are they just looking for someone to hate strongly enough to motivate their base?”
For many people, trans rights might come down to a game of politics, but the consequences for Layla and her family, and many just like them around the country, are serious.
“It’s horrifying how many people in the trans community when they don’t get help or they’re told to suppress it, that it’s not okay, how many of them turn to suicide,” says Laylas father. “And I didn’t want to chance that with Layla. So whatever we gotta do to support and make sure she has a happy, long life, we’re gonna do it.”
According to Martinez, the life expectancy of a trans woman in the US is 35 years old. “Anyone who thinks we are exaggerating the suicidal ideations or impacts of discrimination and oppression of trans people should just look at that number,” he says. “Thirty-five years old is the average life expectancy of a trans woman. That is because so many trans women kill themselves at such young ages. They don’t kill themselves because they’re trans; they kill themselves because the world tells them they have no value because they’re trans.”
A lot of fear and disgust directed toward trans people is based around common misconceptions, explains Martinez. “Folks have this misconception because the lies are being actively told to them that what we want is for young children to get full irreversible, life-changing medical healthcare from their school nurses without their parents permission.” In reality, the process of transitioning, especially for children, typically involves careful and thoughtful consideration along with the support and involvement of guardians and medical professionals where available.
It’s also common to hear accusations of sexual impropriety thrown out about LGBTQ+ people, particularly trans people. “The parents and trans humans are not predators,” says Layla’s mother. “That’s just not real, and I think a lot of people feel that way. They feel very attacked by it. But we’re just trying to help our kid be comfortable.”
Many anti-trans and anti-LGBTQ+ politicians will claim they want to “protect children” while passing laws that directly harm LGBTQ+ children and their families. Anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric has likely factored into these feelings of fear and may explain why most Republican voters now think same-sex relationships are “immoral”, according to a recent study.
Despite the moral panic over trans people, Christian clergy are more often perpetrators of sexual abuse than are trans people. This was pointed out by a lawyer in a recent TikTok video that went viral with over 1.5 million views. “In the past week there have been 17 arrests or convictions of adults accused of having sex with children. Of those 17, 14 were pastors or youth pastors at Christian churches,” she says in the video.
The Arizona Supreme Court recently ruled in favor of a religious exemption for the Church Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on the reporting of child abuse to authorities . This means in Arizona, clergy who learn of child abuse are not legally obligated to report it if they learn about the abuse through a religious confession. Many states have similar religious exemptions. Every justice of the Arizona Supreme Court was appointed by a Republican governor, and every one is themselves a Republican except for a lone independent.
While the Mormon church was protecting a child rapist, Layla’s father was working through leaving it which unknowingly prepared him for a life where he could be more accepting and supportive of his daughter. Layla’s parents say that they did have to cut off ties with a few people after Layla came out publicly, but that leaving the church got them away from people who would have been the most problematic for them. “We had kind of cut off a lot of people who wouldn’t have accepted it when we left the church,” explains Layla’s father. “Without even knowing, we were setting it up as a safe environment for her ahead of time.”
Now the family is free to focus on the needs of Layla, as well as their other children. While not everyone will understand or agree with what they’re doing, Layla’s father’s main concern is doing what’s right for his kids. “We’re not indoctrinating anything. We’re not forcing anything on her. We’re not taking her to Pride and saying, ‘You will be just like them!’ or anything like that,” he says. “We’re just trying to do what’s best for her because I want her to have a long happy life.”
Layla’s mother adds, “I think it’s better to love them and support them, whether it’s just a phase or it’s long term.”
Even though her transition lost her a few friends, Layla seems happy about getting to live as a girl. “They didn’t understand what’s happening,” she says of the friends she lost. Layla was hurt by some of the rejection, saying it made her feel sad, but thinking about when people thought of and treated her as a boy, she says, “I like being a girl better.”
